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Narcissists wreak havoc wherever they go.  They destroy those that are the closest to them: family and friends.  After we give them all we can, we realize we will get nothing in return.  Unless they can benefit from it.  There is no love or empathy–just a means to an end.  But most of us have no desire for revenge.  We would just like to be able to walk away to safety.  But even though we don’t necessarily want to seek revenge, sometimes it would just be nice to know that either they finally saw the light and were apologetic or that they may no longer continue to get away with destroying people everywhere they go.

So for believers, how will God judge a narcissist that has not listened to us, counselors, or the church leadership?

As a whole, God does not judge narcissists any differently than he does any other sin.  But He will judge them based on their sin of narcissism.  If they repent and their heart is changed, you will find comfort, even while trying to heal.  But if they don’t, God will judge them in a more perfect and appropriate way than we ever could.  God has our back!

We can’t know exactly what that judgment will look like.  (Does it matter if we know it’s in God’s hands anyway?) But we do get some good hints from the Bible about how God will  look out for victims of narcissistic abuse.  Let’s take a look.

How Will God Judge a Narcissist?

The biggest takeaway from the Bible is that God will not force a narcissist to repent.  It has to be their choice and their movement toward God.  We were not created to be His puppets!

That being said, at the end of life, we will all face judgment for unrepentant sin.  So, how will God judge a narcissist?  He could very well choose to punish them as they go on through life.  The more people they hurt, the more isolated and alone they become.  Eventually, whether people realize what the problem is or not, they just don’t want to be around the negative energy.

Many narcissists spend the last years of life either alone, or remembering the huge number of bridges they have burned.  It may not make them want to restore any of those relationships.  That would be the result of self reflection, which they are not capable of.  But they will still remember all the destruction–just not as their own burden.

Narcissists, even the ones that profess to be Christians, place themselves above God, or at the very least, even with God.  It is how they convince others to do their bidding.  How can you argue against the very words of God that they have communicated to you?

Do you feel like you are dealing with a narcissist?  Click here to take a test with instant results so you can get a better idea.

The Most Frightening Punishment for Narcissists

The punishment all narcissists should truly fear, even more than the shame of their narcissism, is the judgment of God once their life on earth is over.  1 Thessalonians 1:7-9 says, “7 And God will provide rest for you who are being persecuted and also for us when the Lord Jesus appears from heaven. He will come with his mighty angels, 8 in flaming fire, bringing judgment on those who don’t know God and on those who refuse to obey the Good News of our Lord Jesus. 9 They will be punished with eternal destruction, forever separated from the Lord and from his glorious power.”

I can’t even imagine the weight of thinking about being so separated from God in Hell.  Unfortunately, most narcissists won’t even think about it because they can’t allow their mind to go there.  It will not protect them from the reality of unrepentance, though.

*Note:  For the best resources on understanding and dealing with religious narcissism, click here!

What if the Narcissist Comes Around and Heals?

If your narcissist feels remorse for what they have done and heals, then he/she will come to you for reconciliation as part of their healing.  You will feel even more peace than on your own healing journey.  God’s judgment no longer applies.  They have found forgiveness at the foot of the cross.  Jesus has paid for their narcissism.

It won’t take away all of the sting of past history.  There will still be things you will have to work to heal from.  And your counselor will help you through that.

It also doesn’t necessarily mean that you will have total restoration with that person.  Sometimes, the damage has been to severe to ever go back.  But allowing healing and healthy closure is certainly worth it if your narcissist has truly come around.

Unfortunately, this is very rarely the case.  It is nearly impossible to do a Google search and find stories of true narcissists that truly repented and changed.  One of the hallmarks of narcissism is being unable to recognize any wrongdoing in yourself.  So that generally precludes being able to go to someone to apologize for how you have wronged them.

How Has God Judged Narcissists in the Past?

There are some pretty interesting stories in the Bible regarding what God did to humble some narcissists.  The first one that comes to mind is Nebuchadnezzar.  He was a king in Babylon during the time of Daniel.  He wins the prize for most arrogant king.  Everything he said or did was in reflection back to “look at all I have done.”  Even though he got to where he was because of all of the people who worked tirelessly for him.  So they could stay alive.

According to Britannica, he was known for his military might, the splendour of his capital, Babylon, and his important part in Jewish history. He also rebuilt Babylon in pure magnificence.  Secularly speaking, he had great reason to be so arrogant.  The problem was that even though he had clearly seen and acknowledged God through the work He had done with Daniel, Nebuchadnezzar still held himself in higher esteem than the God that had proven much more powerful than he.  And he seemed to like to flaunt it in God’s face.

God chose to take him down a notch a couple of times.  The first was recorded in Daniel 3 when God saved the 3 Israelites that he had been tricked into throwing into a fiery furnace.  He was forced to admit that Daniel’s God was much stronger than he was.  But he actually willingly admitted it.

Bringing in the Big Guns

The most notable punishment comes in Daniel 4.  It actually makes the previous event seem like nothing.  So what happened?

Interestingly enough, the story starts with Nebuchadnezzar acknowledging the greatness of God.  Then he goes into a dream he had that really shook him up.  It was about an enormous tree, so big that it touched the sky.  It fed and protected all around it, human and creature.  An angel came down from Heaven and said to cut down the tree and leave the stump.  All people and animals left the tree stump and it was covered with the dew of the ground.

None of his wise men could interpret the dream.  So he appealed to Daniel, who was the only one who could interpret his previous dreams.  He said Nebuchadezzar was the tree.  Nebuchadnezzar would be driven from his kingdom and people.  He would live with the animals.  And he would eat like an animal the grass of the fields.  He would also be covered with dew from sleeping in the field.  He would be in this condition for 7 years.  At the end of his interpretation, Daniel appealed to him to repent so he could remain prosperous.  But he did not.

Nebuchadnezzar’s Punishment Fulfilled

Twelve months later, Nebuchadezzar was out on his palace roof, admiring all he had amassed.  He was bragging about how magnificent he was.  And at that very moment, God spoke down from Heaven to Him.  God took his mind away from him and he instantly became as an animal.  He spent 7 years in the field in this way.

At the end of the 7 years, he raised his eyes to heaven and God restored his sanity and his kingdom was restored to him.

Did he end up repenting?  It is believed that he did to some degree when he defended Jeremiah and Ezekiel when they were prophets for God.  At least he knew he didn’t want to be an animal for another 7 years, or whatever more severe punishment God may mete out to him.

Is this how God will punish a narcissist generally speaking?  Of course not.  But that may not be a good thing.  The way God punished Nebuchadnezzar allowed him to repent in a way that very well could have saved his soul for all eternity.  Narcissists that never come to the truth in this way could lose their very soul when their life on earth is over.

Where Do Narcissists Go When They Die?

As a general rule, in order to go to Heaven, narcissists would have to admit their wrongdoing in order to repent, lay their burden at the cross, and trust in Christ to save them from what they deserve.  Otherwise, in their unrepentance, God can only send them to Hell.

In my experience with my ex-husband, he could never admit what he had done to me and the kids.  The closest thing we ever got to an apology or any remorse was him telling us that he doesn’t remember what he did, but if he did in fact do it, he was sorry.

Or he would tell us that we misunderstood him.  Yet another excuse was that he misremembered what had happened, but he would never lie.  He loved the Lord too much to ever intentionally sin.

My ex-husband was not an unusual narcissist.  These words all come out of the narcissist handbook.  And based on what the Bible says, there is only one place that a narcissist will end up if they do not make things right before God.

This is a devastating thing for me to think about.  A narcissist becomes so because the first formative years were so unbearable for them.  So they construct a mask to prevent people from seeing what they have become.  And that mask prevents them from ever being able to face and grow from the shame they have increasingly felt throughout their life.

As mean and abusive as he was to us for many years, I would never wish this upon him.  And I have in my healing years started praying for him in this regard.  Do I want to ever be married to him again.  Not at all.

Why Does God Allow Narcissists?

Why does God allow narcissists when they leave so much damage to so many people in their lives?  It seems to counterintuitive that God would allow such suffering in the world, let alone by one person.

There are narcissists that God allows to continue spreading their hate, even in church. God is not fond of striking dead anyone who sins against Him.  For that we can all feel relieved.  But He is known to be slow to anger so more of us come to repentance.  For that, we can all feel grateful.  Maybe that narcissist will be able to come to some realization of his need for God’s forgiveness and healing.

God does not always choose to prevent the narcissist from unleashing his evil in the world, But that doesn’t mean He can’t bring healing to you and your family that have been harmed so badly by the narcissist.

Conclusion

This is what my experience and research has shown me regarding how God will judge a narcissist.  It is a scary and humbling thing to think about.  I don’t think that there is a single narcissist that wanted to become the way they did.  It was their survival mechanism.  Some would even say that they were possessed by demons and unable to escape.  I have an article here regarding that if you are interested in reading more.

At the end of the day, there is very little we can do.  But yet so much.  We can pray for them because it is too much for us, but not too much for God.  In His infinite wisdom, He will handle the situation in exactly the right way.  And for ourselves, we can take the necessary steps to become healthy.

The Emotionally Destructive Marriage was such an amazingly healing book for me.  Check it out–I am sure it will be just as healing for you as it has been for tens of thousands of other spouses!

The Emotionally Destructive Marriage:

How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope

 

 

If you liked this article, I think you will also love the following:

When the Church Says to Move Back in With Your Narcissist

What Can We Say to a Friend Who’s Divorcing

23 Reasons Why Narcissists are Drawn to the Church

When the Church Doesn’t Recognize Narcissistic Abuse

Will the Church Support Divorcing a Narcissist?

What Does the Bible Say About Narcissism?

Can a Spiritual Narcissist Heal?

Can a Narcissist Be a Christian?

What is Spiritual Narcissism?

What Does the Spiritual Narcissist Do When You Try to Leave?