Religious narcissists are everywhere. They are the priests, church leaders, Sunday School teachers, and even regular members. But it doesn’t stop in the church. Religious narcissists are also in all of the secular workplaces, the military, social groups, neighborhoods, families. Like I said, literally everywhere.
So if religious narcissists are so prevalent, what is the chance you know at least a couple? Do you know someone who tries to make you live up to a standard that they don’t hold themselves to? Or someone who quotes Scripture for literally everything under the sun, even when it doesn’t really apply? How about someone who manipulates themselves into positions of power and then uses it to victimize and control those around them?Is s/he a religious narcissist? You can take this test to find out.
But first, let’s talk a little bit about spiritual narcissism. It is believed to be the worst of all narcissism because it uses the church and sacred spaces to control and manipulate people. Even God Himself is manipulated, made to be like the right hand man of the narcissist. The narcissist will use God to try to convince everyone else that if they don’t do everything as instructed, they will be going against the very will of God.
Interestingly, there was an article in The Christian Post about the Church of England’s plan in 2018 to begin testing clergy for narcissism to weed out the bad seeds. I don’t know if they actually followed through with this plan, but if the church universal did this, what an amazing difference it would make! It could potentially make the one place in the world that is supposed to be safe (but is often among the least safe places) actually more safe than ever before.
Table of Contents
What Exactly is Spiritual Narcissism?
A textbook definition of religious narcissism (or spiritual narcissism) is the use of spiritual traditions, scriptures, or thoughts to manipulate and control other people in ways that build up the abuser and demean the abused.
A lot of how much you experience depends on two things: where the religious narcissist falls on the spectrum of narcissism and how you react to the narcissistic attacks. If s/he is lower on the spectrum and you respond in healthy ways, the narcissistic damage will be minimal. And of course, if the narcissist ranks high on the spectrum and you relate to narcissistic attacks in unhealthy ways, the damage will be through the roof. For more information on the signs of religious narcissism, check out the following articles:
What is Your Experience Like With a Religious Narcissist?
Finally, before we begin the test, let’s take a look at what people who have religious narcissists in their life experience. You may have experienced a couple of these, or you may have experienced nearly all of them. Just know, that regardless of if you have had to deal with just a few or all of them, if you had to deal with a pattern of abuse over a period of time, it was still abuse. Do not excuse it or write it off as “not that bad.” I did that for 30+ years. Now I know better.
Here is a list of the most prominent identifiers of religious narcissistic abuse:
Is this person incredibly nice and kind in front of other people but a different person behind closed doors or when alone with you?
Does this person correct everything you say, even if it’s the tiniest detail for the sake of being “more right” than you?
Is this person extremely judmental, but in the terms of being our best for God or holding others up to fabricated standards of God?
Will this person rarely admit when they are wrong? Do they explain away their wrongdoing, deflecting it onto others or claiming they were trying to do something purely good but it just went unexpectedly wrong?
Do they need constant praise and admiration for the work they do?
Does this person set you or others up to fail, then swoop in and save the day?
There are many other things that happen, enough to write a book about for sure! But this will give you a pretty good idea of whether you are dealing with a religious narcissist.
The Religious Narcissist Test
And now that you have a pretty good idea, let’s take this religious narcissist test! But don’t stress about it. It is only 24 questions designed to help you recognize narcissistic behavior anywhere you see it. It also isn’t meant to be a diagnosis or professional psychological help. You will have to go to a licensed clinician for that! But this will help to educate you on what signs to look for so you can learn what steps to take next to get yourself in a good place.
Instructions: There will be 24 questions that you need to answer yes or no on. Upon completing the test, you will see the answers and there will be an explanation as to whether you could possibly be dealing with a spiritual narcissist.
And with that, let’s begin!
QUIZ START
#1. Do you feel like they refuse to acknowledge wrongdoing, or make excuses when they are forced to admit it?
#2. Do they call you out publicly for “sinning against them,” causing you to feel shame?
#3. Do you tend to feel discouraged instead of uplifted after spending time with them?
#4. Do they refuse to associate with anyone outside of their sphere of religious belief?
#5. Do they choose to hang out with the “godliest” people and avoid or demean those who they consider not as spiritually mature as them?
#6. Have they twisted Scripture in order to make their point?
#7. Do you feel like this person doesn’t let you have your own ideas or inspiration? Do you feel like you always have to do what they suggest?
#8. Do you feel intimidated when the person asks you to do something but if you say no they will make you feel like you are crossing the line into sin or doing something wrong?
#9. Do you feel like they do a lot of talking but very little listening to others?
#10. Do they carry themselves with an “air of superiority?”
#11. Do you feel like when they do listen, it is only to the people they know will agree with anything they say or do?
#12. Do they lead by demand and almost never by example? Or when they lead by example, is it so that everyone will see “what a great servant” they are?
#13. Are they significantly loving and kind when others are around, but not when you are alone with them?
#14. Do they try to make everything “black or white?” Is everything couched in terms of only right or wrong with no in-between or Christian liberty?
#15. Do they spend a lot of time arguing about Scripture (including the pastors, teachers, or other leaders) so they look like the “smartest” person in the room?
#16. Do you feel like they are actually making themselves equal to God, in that they are God’s personal spokesperson and that you need to treat them as though you are relating to God Himself?
#17. Do they brag about being the “best Christian they know?”
#18. Do they tear others down, but in ways that sound like concern or they are “praying for them” rather than the tearing down they are actually doing?
#19. Do you feel like they try to take credit for the work you do?
#20. Do they make you feel like if you don’t do what they say, then God will punish you?
#21. Do you feel like they lie to you in order to make themselves look better in front of others?
#22. Do their actions not match their words?
#23. Do you feel like you can never live up to the other person’s expectations?
#24. Do you feel like you can’t really get close to them relationally because there is no “depth” to them, only their spirituality? In other words, do you feel like they are hiding their real selves?
Finish
Results
There seem to be some signs of someone you associate with being a spiritual narcissist. You likely have some questions about where to go from here. Here are a few articles to get you started:
You may also want to talk to some friends who have a good sense about these things or have experienced similar relationships in their past. They can help you find some balance.
You may also want to set up a consultation with Marie by either phone or Zoom call. She can help you gain some clarity as you figure out what is best for you as you move into healing. If you have any questions, contact Marie here.
It may also be a good idea to speak with a counselor who is experienced in difficult relationships.
Hi!I am the founder of Navigating Religious Narcissism after being raised under a narcissistic mother and married to a narcissistic man for 31 years.It is my prayer that I can be as valuable on your journey to healing and peace as were so many who crossed my path of healing.
Hi!I am the founder of Navigating Religious Narcissism after being raised under a narcissistic mother and married to a narcissistic man for 31 years.It is my prayer that I can be as valuable on your journey to healing and peace as were so many who crossed my path of healing.
Hi!I am the founder of Navigating Religious Narcissism after being raised under a narcissistic mother and married to a narcissistic man for 31 years.It is my prayer that I can be as valuable on your journey to healing and peace as were so many who crossed my path of healing.
Hi! I am the founder of Navigating Religious Narcissism after being raised under a narcissistic mother and married to a narcissistic man for 31 years. It is my prayer that I can be as valuable on your journey to healing and peace as were so many who crossed my path of healing.
