According to Patrick Carnes, the man who coined the term, trauma bonding is the “misuse of fear, excitement, and sexual feelings,” to keep another person trapped in the relationship with feelings of no way to get out and get to safety.
Do you feel like you may be in a relationship that does not feel healthy or good? Do you feel like it is too hard to try to leave?
If you are experiencing any of the following scenarios, you could likely be involved in a trauma bonding :
- Making excuses for things that the other person does
- Blaming yourself for things that aren’t really your responsibility
- Constantly trying to smooth things over to prevent escalation
- Feeling like you are “walking on eggshells”
- Careful to not let others know what is going on so they won’t think negatively of you or the other person
There is a list of about 20 more scenarios here if you want more information. Taking the trauma bonding test below will also give you more information regarding the possibility of trauma bonding in your own life.
If the concept of trauma bonding is new to you or you need more information on it, click on this article on all of the details. If you feel like you are dealing with the issues related to trauma bonding, take this test to give you a clearer picture.
Table of Contents
A Few Words About Trauma Bonding
If you were in traumatic relationships as a child, you are more likely to get into a trauma bonding relationship as an adult. This was certainly my case because I did not learn healthy ways to relate to others and also was unable to see red flags in relationships. In spite of this, I actually thought I related well to others. And that is actually true when speaking of relating to healthy people. They weren’t challenging boundaries, expecting unrealistic things, or treating me badly. So there was nothing for me to have to understand and change.
Relating to unhealthy people was a totally different story. I didn’t establish boundaries because I thought I had to be completely available. I didn’t see the expectations as unrealistic because I thought I should just be better. And I just thought that as I was treated badly, if I loved him better he would see it and reciprocate in kind.
In reality, what I actually did was show him that his inappropriate behavior and treatment of me was okay because I allowed it and treated him well no matter how he treated me. He could get just about anything he wanted from me without any work on his part. And it went that way for him for nearly 30 years. Why would he change?
I did not realize I was in a trauma bonding relationship until I told him I couldn’t do it anymore and he got angry with me. He turned me in to counselors to make me go back to the wife I was for him. And that is when I learned that it wasn’t all my fault. My counselors saw immediately what was going on. And I started learning what a healthy relationship with healthy boundaries looks like.
*Note: For the best resources on understanding, dealing with, and healing trauma bonds, click here!
Can You Relate to a Trauma Bonded Relationship?
Does your situation sound like this? You could be having the same or similar struggles with a spouse, significant other, family member, friend, co-worker, neighbor, church associate–or literally any other person you relate to on a somewhat regular basis. And if you continue to be in relationship to them in this way, you will pay the price in your own emotional and physical wellbeing.
Also, know that there are seven stages of trauma bonding. For more in-depth information on this, click here. You will notice that many of these stages are the same as relating to a narcissistic relationship. Almost everyone who becomes trauma bonded is attached to someone on some level of the narcissism spectrum. This does not mean the person is suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it does mean they have narcissistic tendencies.
If you find that you are in relationship with a narcississt, you will need a counselor experienced in narcissism, codependency, and trauma bonding issues to help you get through this very difficult path. But you can do it!
Before we go there, though, let’s take the test and see where you stand. While this test can give you a good idea about whether you are in a trauma bond, it cannot diagnose you. It is for informational purposes only. If you do score in the range of trauma bonding issues, it would be a great idea to see a counselor and/or talk to some friends or family members you can trust.
About this Trauma Bonding Test
The following test consists of 25 questions in which you will provide yes or no answers based on if those circumstances regularly occur in your relationship. Know that no relationship is perfect, so a couple of these things happening in isolated incidents does not indicate a trauma bonded relationship. It is when patterns of the same destructive behaviors happen that you may be facing trauma bonding issues.
You will click on Start Quiz to begin the quiz, which will be right on this page. Once you finish the 25 questions, you will click the Finish Button at the bottom of the test. And it will give you instant results, also on this page. You don’t have to give me your email in order to get your results!
That being said, if you like the content and would like to be notified when new content or products are released or for news of special events, feel free to subscribe with the form on the sidebar to the right. I don’t email often, so your inbox will not be spammed! But you will get the most important information in a timely manner.
And with that, let’s begin! Click on start Start Quiz below when you are ready.
A Few Final Words
Whether or not this trauma bonding test indicates whether you may be in a trauma bonding relationship, you will find a wealth of information in the book, Trauma Bonding: Understanding and Overcoming the Trauma Bond in a Narcissistic Relationship by Lauren Kozlowski. It is a short book, only 68 pages, so you can easily read it in one sitting. But in spite of its short length, it packs a punch in content! Ms. Kozlowski does a tremendous job of sharing the facts succinctly and is very well thought-out. This book would be a perfect resource for you. Check it out!
Did the test confirm what you were already thinking? What are your thoughts about the test or how it applied to you? Feel free to comment below, or contact me here if you do not feel safe posting publicly. Blessings to you!
If you liked this article, I think you will also love the following articles: