The word guardian ad litem is a Latin term that means “guardian for the suit” or “for the lawsuit.” Specifically, a guardian ad litem protects minor children or adults who are disabled or otherwise incapacitated and unable to represent themselves in a normal way in the court process. These specially trained attorneys will look out for the best interests of the people they are assigned to by a judge involved in their case. Because they are required to spend time with the person or people they are representing, they will have inside knowledge of what is best for their case.
With this glimpse into the lives of those they represent, judges often consider their testimony first before all other testimony. The guardian ad litem carries a huge amount of weight in the legal system. I have witnessed this myself, both in negative and positive ways!
So, now we can see how important a guardian ad litem is! But how do we get one for our case and what do we need to know to get the most of our guardian ad litem? The court will appoint one when there is some evidence of abuse or neglect, parental alienation, or question of safety/welfare. Not everyone gets a guardian ad litem when it is requested! And unfortunately, sometimes there really is legitimate need but the judge does not recognize it. The key to this is having a lawyer that can make sure the judge sees the whole picture!
Second, you must understand the role of the guardian ad litem in your children’s or needful adult’s case. Knowing their role in your legal situation helps you to help them get what they need to represent you well. This, in turn, helps you to get the decision that is truly in everyone’s best interest.
Now that you have the short answer regarding working with a guardian ad litem, let’s look at all you need to know to attain one and get the best results for your people!
Table of Contents
Who Gets to Use a Guardian ad Litem
As I said above, the guardian ad litem is special legal representation for minor children to be heard, and for incapacitated adults to get the assistance they need in a legal system that is beyond their capability to navigate.
In a perfect world, people who legitimately need a guardian ad litem would get one. And those who abuse the system would not. But, alas, judges cannot see everything. So sometimes people who need one don’t get it and people who don’t need one do. Having the best lawyer you can get is key to making this part work out correctly. Your lawyer can get your person/people a GAL if they need it. Conversely, they can also prevent a GAL being appointed in your case if the other party is trying to use it to manipulate the court and not for legitimate reasons.
Of course, in a perfect world, we wouldn’t need court to solve things for us either, would we?
What Does a Guardian ad Litem Do For You?
I mentioned that a guardian ad litem is important to represent the best interests of a child or adult who isn’t able to communicate their needs as effectively as an adult. The GAL will take personal interest in the following:
- The situation of the people they are representing
- How they feel about their involvement in the case (in this case usually a divorce)
- Any fears they have about what is happening
- Any safety issues they may be caught up in
- Any history of abuse or other similar issues
Often the guardian ad litem will pick up on many of these things through body language, facial expressions, or other non verbal cues that the person they represent doesn’t even realize they are exhibiting.
You must realize that while the subtitle I used talks about what the guardian ad litem does for you, they aren’t working for you! They are working exclusively for the benefit of the person/people in your case that need extra support in the courtroom.
Your GAL will likely begin by interviewing you, the other parent, and the children. They will choose what order based on preferences and how they work best in navigating your family’s dynamic and issues.
In my case, the GAL interviewed my ex first, about two weeks prior to my interview, then me. She then interviewed all of our minor children right after me in the same afternoon. She was very candid in sharing that she could see what was going on behind closed doors based on how my ex answered her questions and how it all lined up with the answers to the questions she had asked the kids and me.
I loved that she knew what questions to ask to be able to truly understand and represent us well. It took the fear away from me that I wouldn’t tell her what I needed to and the case would be lost.
Choosing a Guardian ad Litem
The bad news is that you can’t shop around and find the best guardian ad litem with the most wins in court. But the good news is your attorney may be able to help get you better than a random pick.
My son was only 7 years old at the time we had a guardian ad litem assigned and he feared men pretty badly due to his history with his dad. Because of this, he wanted a woman GAL to represent him because he thought he would feel more comfortable working with a woman. The judge then assigned accordingly once my attorney said it was the request of my son.
While there is no evidence, I do think when a good judge needs to think about assigning a lawyer based on any criteria, they probably put a bit more thought into it and then try to do a good job assigning an attorney that will do better for that particular case than the usual.
Our GAL ended up being amazing for the most part. She did take one misstep in a hearing with a judge that wasn’t in tune with emotional and psychological abuse issues. He ended up ruling that “the level abuse was not enough to limit my son’s time with his dad.” To make up for it, the GAL immediately talked to my attorney after the hearing. She told her that if we appeal it would go to circuit court and ALL of the judges were adept at handling all kinds of abuse and not just physical. (For clarity, there was physical abuse for our children, but the judge still didn’t think it warranted limiting his time alone with his dad. Apparently, his life needed to be at risk.
While I say this tongue-in-cheek, it is a sad testament to the condition of court today. Judges see so many horrific things that when they see run of the mill abuse, they don’t think it’s that significant to protect those children.
Anyway, back to the story! We won the appeal and it cost me extra money, but I think regardless of what the GAL told the judge it wouldn’t have swayed his thinking. Based on that, I am extremely happy that the new judge saw things clearly and ruled accordingly.
I have an article on how judges perceive narcissistic and all other forms of abuse that you may find very helpful.
How You Can Help Your GaL
The best way you can help when working with a guardian at litem is to realize that they represent your child or special needs adult and not you. Stay out of their way and let them do their magic. But also make sure you give them the most critical information that will help your case.
When they interview everyone, most of them are savvy enough to know when they are being lied to or when things don’t make sense in context. By the time our GAL spoke with me and the children independently, she had already interviewed my ex and she point blank told me that she was walking into our home with open eyes based on things he told her that didn’t make sense. And she truly did communicate that she was advocating for my 3 children by that time (one had already aged out and could no longer be forced to spend time with her dad).
She asked the questions that she needed answers to in order to formulate the case she was already working. That was perfect, especially because we often don’t know exactly what they are looking for or which things we should share. Because she interviewed my ex first, she had a really good list of questions to make everything line up correctly.
And that is where you can help your GAL set up the best case for you! Make sure every answer you give is truthful and succinct. Convoluted answers do not help GAL’s to see the big picture. Here are some other things you can do to help your GAL build the best case for your family:
- Have any necessary documentation ready that will bolster your truth. Texts, voice messages, witness statements, emails, receipts, or any other physical proof you can find. If you set those aside as they happen it will be easier to give those to both your attorney and the GAL.
- Make sure you give the same things to both your attorney and the GAL so they can build the case together and be fully in the loop.
- Don’t coach your kids!!! The GAL will see that a mile away when they use terminology that isn’t in line with the rest of the way they communicate. And your children will show their discomfort and conscious trying to remember what to say. It will be obvious!
- The GAL will be very concerned about what the kids are feeling about everything and what their perception is.
What the Court Wants Your GaL to Report to Them
Every state expects a little bit different criteria to decide custody cases. But they still all have the same gist. They want the guardian ad litem to show what the health of the home looks like physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Any kind of consistent abuse will severely affect the outcome of the case. The level of comfort your children feel with both parents affects custody going forward. And where siblings stand and to what degree they agree also gives power to the children’s voice in the courtroom.
Here are the 10 criteria used in the state of Virginia to determine whether a parent is fit as stately directly in the Virginia Legislative System:
1. The age and physical and mental condition of the child, giving due consideration to the child’s changing developmental needs;
2. The age and physical and mental condition of each parent;
3. The relationship existing between each parent and each child, giving due consideration to the positive involvement with the child’s life, the ability to accurately assess and meet the emotional, intellectual, and physical needs of the child;
4. The needs of the child, giving due consideration to other important relationships of the child, including but not limited to siblings, peers, and extended family members;
5. The role that each parent has played and will play in the future, in the upbringing and care of the child;
6. The propensity of each parent to actively support the child’s contact and relationship with the other parent, including whether a parent has unreasonably denied the other parent access to or visitation with the child;
7. The relative willingness and demonstrated ability of each parent to maintain a close and continuing relationship with the child, and the ability of each parent to cooperate in and resolve disputes regarding matters affecting the child;
8. The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of reasonable intelligence, understanding, age, and experience to express such a preference;
9. Any history of (i) family abuse as that term is defined in § 16.1-228; (ii) sexual abuse; (iii) child abuse; or (iv) an act of violence, force, or threat as defined in § 19.2-152.7:1 that occurred no earlier than 10 years prior to the date a petition is filed. If the court finds such a history or act, the court may disregard the factors in subdivision 6; and
10. Such other factors as the court deems necessary and proper to the determination.
Unfortunately, even though this is documented as how Virginia courts look out for the best interest of the children, they rarely completely hold to this. In my case, Jordan was not allowed to refuse to spend time with his dad, even though it was documented that none of his siblings had any contact with their dad. Even though 9 of the 10 criteria applied in our case, Jordan still has to spend a limited time with his dad. He doesn’t have to spend overnights though, and only has 18 hours a month total. He usually spends about 12 of those hours monthly with his dad.
Just realize that what the court says they will do in the best interests of the children rarely works out the way it should in reality. If you check your expectations early, you will be able to take whatever ruling comes your way in a better way.
What You Don’t Want to do With Your GaL
While most guardians ad litem are pretty adept at understanding what is going on behind the scenes, here are a few things you should make sure don’t happen when you are working with the GAL in your case:
- Don’t lose control emotionally. It is incredibly important to answer the questions without losing control of your emotions. A few tears are fine–yelling, exuberant body language, and hysterics will not bode well for you, especially if your ex is trying to paint you as a crazy person.
- Don’t use your time with the GAL to gossip, make unfounded assumptions or accusations, or otherwise malign your ex. Let him or her bury themselves.
- Don’t argue with your GAL. Be kind and polite. If there is a disagreement, be careful not to come out swinging, even if you are in the right. Any negative behavior or words can affect your case in a very negative way.
- Don’t attack your ex’s character with the GAL. Let them do this on their own too. Your goal is to focus on you and the job you are doing, not your ex!
How Important is Your Guardian ad Litem?
The guardian ad litem in your case is the most important attorney in the courtroom during your hearings. Most of the time, the judge will put more weight on their opinions than anyone else because their sole job is to evaluate the child(ren) and hear their perspective of the situation in their own words. They are trained to pick up subtle clues about things not being revealed.
So, if you have any negatives in your own situation, it would be wise for you to share those up front rather than the GAL finding out from your ex or other source. Honesty will do wonders for you in showing the GAL that you are also looking out for the best interest of the children. Additionally, this honesty gives you a chance to show the GAL that first, you are recognizing your own issues, and second, you have an opportunity to show how you are working on those things.
If the judge is riding the fence regarding your case, the GAL will 100% be able to sway the judge’s ruling with the knowledge he or she has about how things have been in your households, before and during the divorce process!
What if Your GaL Doesn’t do a Good Job?
Occasionally, a guardian ad litem will be too busy with their own caseload to do a good job for you and your family. Or they may just not be a good candidate for GAL. Because GAL work does not pay as much as regular attorneys charge their clients, often attorneys will not prioritize those cases. They may not spend as much time as they need to getting to know your situation. And then they are not prepared to represent your family well in the courtroom.
So, do you just go switch them out for another? Unfortunately, that does not happen. You can’t just go to the judge and tell them you want another do over. And if you try to complain or cause a fuss, it will likely backfire for you in the end because the GAL may take it out on you in the courtroom. It sounds really unfair. And it may seem impossible to do anything about it.
According to VirginiaCourts.gov, “it is the responsibility of the appointing court to make a determination about the quality of the guardian ad litem’s performance.” Unfortunately, judges are not always good judges in this case. Pun intended.
In cases where the judge does see problems with your GAL, they can reduce or eliminate the pay that the GAL would be due. And they can actually remove that guardian and assign another to your case. Unfortunately, I have never seen that happen in the 10+ years I have been involved in the system and helped others through it. This would only happen in very extreme cases.
Unfortunately, the court system does not view your divorce as your life falling apart and you trying to reconstruct it. You are merely the next case. They see this every day and they are quite desensitized to it. I think most judges try to do a good job at the end of the day but it is very wearing on them. And it also proves very difficult to fully understand every case in order to rule perfectly in favor of the right party all the time.
Conclusion
Petitioning the court to assign your case a guardian ad litem brings great value to your case if you are on the level. It will not work out well for you if you are using this provision of the court to falsely bolster your case.
You must work in specific ways with your guardian ad litem to assure the greatest chance of success in the courtroom. If you do not communicate well with the GAL or give them the critical information they need, they will have a harder time representing your children or incapacitated adult well.
At the end of the day, the judge rules on your case and nobody knows how that will turn out. But knowing you and your legal team did everything they could to help your case is about the greatest satisfaction you can get in the world of court cases.
Are you facing a divorce with a narcissist and dreading the upcoming court hearings? Or even just working with the lawyers/mediators? Maybe you are in the midst of the court drama and trying to figure out how to keep your head above water with your narcissist’s constant attacks. Or maybe you are on the other side and can offer encouragement to others who are now going through it! Please feel free to share in the comments below! And for those of you who have questions that those who went before you can answer, please ask below!
If this is all still fuzzy to you and you would like to talk some more about it, reach out for a consultation here.
Hugs, love, and prayers to you,
Sources
Virginia’s Judicial System, Guardians Ad Litem (GAL), https://www.vacourts.gov/courtadmin/aoc/cip/programs/gal/home
Legislative Information System, Code of Virginia, § 20-124.3. Best interests of the child; visitation. https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title20/chapter6.1/section20-124.3/
