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Scriptural Ways to Deal with a Narcissistic Wife

I wrote an article titled, “Scriptural Ways to Deal With a Narcissistic Husband.”  While many of my articles have been pretty well read, this one has been one of my most popular articles.  But along with many messages telling me that readers appreciated that article, many more wrote asking me for an article on scriptural ways to deal with a narcissistic wife.  So, here you go!

For starters, narcissistic husbands AND wives are both a huge challenge to deal with.  But they each have very different challenges.  Because women and men are different in many ways, their narcissism also manifests in different ways, so an article addressing those differences is well warranted.  But exactly how are narcissistic wives different from narcissistic husbands?

Narcissistic wives tend to be more dramatic, manipulative, sneaky, catty, and deceptive among other things, while narcissistic husbands tend to be more aggressive and overt with their narcissism.  Note there is some crossover going both ways, though.  There are overt narcissistic wives and covert narcissistic husbands.  While the Bible says nothing about how to deal with narcissistic wives by using the word narcissist, it has tons to say about how to deal with wives and women who display narcissistic behaviors. 

Let’s take a look at what the Bible says to do with the specific behaviors of narcissistic wives.

Scriptural Ways to Deal with a Narcissistic Wife & Drama

Again, you will never find the word drama in the Bible.  But you will find all kinds of verses that speak to the subject of drama.  Here are some of them:

Titus 3:1-3:  “Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another.”

Galatians 5:15:  “But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.”

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12:  “And to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.”

2 Timothy 2:22-25:  “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.”

Proverbs 20:19:  “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.”

Ephesians 4:29:  “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Proverbs 26:20: “For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.”

Proverbs 16:28:  “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”

This selection of verses barely scratches the surface of all the drama that the Bible says to look out for.  If you read through the books of Psalms and Proverbs, you will find a multitude of verses that talk about the troubles of causing undue drama in other people’s lives.  You will also see the results of doing it as well as how we should actually be behaving.

Here’s a great assignment for you:  Get an inexpensive copy of the Psalms and Proverbs (or a cheap gift Bible) and highlight or underline in red every time circumstances of drama are mentioned.  By the time you get through it (about a week’s worth of evenings), you will be amazed at how much the Bible speaks just in these books about drama.

If you want some New Testament scriptures that do the same, check out the epistles (1 Corinthians through Jude).  These books contain advice about how to live and warnings about how not to live.  You will see much said about causing trouble and what it results in.  And all of the scriptures say to avoid such behavior as well as associating regularly with those who practice these things.

Verses that Show What we Should be Doing Instead of Drama

Now that we have seen some of the verses that talk about what we shouldn’t do regarding behaving with drama, here are some verses that show us how we should behave toward others:

Romans 12:18:  “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

Proverbs 31:25:  “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.”

1 Thessalonians 4:11:  “And to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you,”

Matthew 5:9:  “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”

Ephesians 4:32:  “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Scriptural Ways to Deal with a Narcissistic Wife & Manipulation

There are so many verses that talk about manipulation and that nobody is supposed to treat others in manipulative ways.  How much more should we not do that to our spouses if we aren’t supposed to do it with anybody at all.  We should give the best of ourselves to our spouses!

Anyway, I digress.  Here is what the Bible says specifically about how to deal with those who manipulate us:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7:  “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Hebrews 13:9a:  “Do not be led away by diverse and strange teachings.”

2 Peter 2:1:  “But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction.”

Amos 5:11:  “Therefore because you trample on the poor and you exact taxes of grain from him, you have built houses of hewn stone, but you shall not dwell in them; you have planted pleasant vineyards, but you shall not drink their wine.”

2 Corinthians 4:2:  “But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God’s word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.”

And finally (for this article, but the Bible actually has much more to say about manipulation and manipulative people), in 2 Timothy 3:6, Paul warned about manipulators ““who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires.”  At the end of this passage, Paul warns us to have nothing to do with these people, which is the whole tone the Bible takes of people who are toxic in all their different ways.

Scriptural Ways to Deal with a Narcissistic Wife & Sneakiness

Yep, you guessed it.  The word sneakiness does not appear in the Bible either.  But, of course, Scripture does talk about it, the signs, the problems it causes, and what we should do about it.  The Bible refers to it as things done in secret, things done in darkness, crafty, wily, or  Read below to see a sample of those verses:

Titus 1:16:  “They profess to know God, but they deny him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work.”

Ephesians 5:11-17:  “11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
    rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.”

15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”

1 Peter 2:3:  “In their greed these teachers will exploit you with fabricated stories. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping.”

Proverbs 6:16-19:  “There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.”

Psalm 21:11:  “Though they plan evil against you, though they devise mischief, they will not succeed.”

Psalm 10:2:  “In arrogance the wicked hotly pursue the poor; let them be caught in the schemes that they have devised.”  (Actually the whole chapter of Psalm 10 is an excellent prayer for someone who has been victim of a narcissist who always seems to get the upper  hand.  Read it all when you get a chance!)

Micah 2:1:  “Woe to those who devise wickedness and work evil on their beds! When the morning dawns, they perform it, because it is in the power of their hand.”

Of course, reading through the Psalms and Proverbs will give you literally hundreds more verses that talk about sneaky people and the harm they do.  And they will tell you to stay as far away as is possible!

Scriptural Ways to Deal with a Narcissistic Wife & Deception

This is one word that you will find in the Bible!  The idea and concept of deception, what it looks like, and what will happen to those who practice it is found in many places in Scripture.  Here are a few of them:

Proverbs 10:9:  “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.”

Psalm 52:2:  “Your tongue plots destruction, like a sharp razor, you worker of deceit.”

John 8:44:  “You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

James 1:26 talks about people who even deceive themselves, a major trait in narcissists (but not exclusive to them):  “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.”

Ephesians 5:6:  “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.”

Psalm 101:7:  “No one who practices deceit shall dwell in my house; no one who utters lies shall continue before my eyes.”

Psalm 24:3-5:  “Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? And who shall stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to what is false and does not swear deceitfully. He will receive blessing from the Lord and righteousness from the God of his salvation.”

1 Timothy 4:1:  “Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons,”

I could have gone on for hundreds more verses based on lying and deception alone.  But I’m sure you get the idea.  As with all the other characteristics, The Bible does indeed speak a great deal about how to identify, deal with, and eventually walk away from all of the people who do these things.

Also, know that these narcissistic wives are also mothers, daughters, co-workers, and literally every other thing that regular women are.  The way you deal with them will be virtually the same, although, admittedly, dealing with narcissistic women is not as complicated if they are not your wife!  Check out the following articles about narcissistic women:

The Aging Female Narcissist:  Everything You Need to Know

Identifying and Understanding a Female Covert Narcissist

Dealing With a Religious Narcissistic Mother

Are you still not sure if your wife or other person in your life is a narcissist, whether covert or overt?  Check out some of these tests to help you determine for sure:

Is S/he a Covert Narcissist?

Is S/he a Religious Narcissist?

Are You in a Toxic Relationship?

Am I Codependent?


Almost every time the bible speaks about how to deal with toxic people, it follows the warnings of their behavior toward you with another warning to avoid them, run away from them, dismiss them from your presence…anything but to stay with them or continue to spend time with them.  And this is exactly the scriptural way to deal with a narcissistic wife.

There is good reason for this.  The longer someone spends time with a bad influence, the more you will take on those bad behaviors.  They will stop seeming so terrible, then they start to become acceptable.  And before you know it, you are as entangled as the person who first victimized you.  Heed the Bible’s warning:  STAY AWAY!

But don’t just walk away.  Make sure the person you are walking away from understands why you must walk away.  But be kind about it.  Don’t return evil for evil.  You may be the only person that shines light into their life.  They may not respond positively to that light, especially not at the moment.  But you never know what could become of your kindness in adversity down the road.

How did you handle dealing with a narcissistic wife?  How long did it take you to see the sneakiness, manipulation, and other toxic behavior?  How long did you see it before you realized you could no longer be a part of it?  I would love to hear your story.  I pray for people all over the world every time I write an article.  And I hear regularly from people all over the world.  What people meant for evil, God meant for good, just like Joseph in the book of Genesis.  God healed my distress and now uses me as his vessel to help others around the world.  That is the best part of healing!  Join me in healing and helping today!

Feel free to share below or message me here.

Do you feel like you have too much on your mind, you’re stuck, and you need some help clarifying things?  You may need a consultation to help you get things in order as you begin or continue your journey.  I have helped hundreds of men and women figure out where they were and what next steps they needed to take, whether getting a divorce or still working things out in their current life, and would love to help anyone who comes my way.  ♥

Blessings and hugs,

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Hi! I am the founder of Navigating Religious Narcissism after being raised under a narcissistic mother and married to a narcissistic man for 31 years. It is my prayer that I can be as valuable on your journey to healing and peace as were so many who crossed my path of healing.

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