Once someone realizes they are in relationship with a narcissist, the first thing they think is what did they do to cause this? Unfortunately, someone doesn’t have to do something wrong to be tied to a narcissist. It could be as simple as they were nice to the narcissist when nobody else was. So they became that narcissist’s source of supply. But often, people attract narcissists, especially long-term because they are not emotionally healthy enough to see the red flags of narcissism that the narcissist shows, secretly or overtly. And often the victim of narcissism is the victim because they have codependent tendencies and do not recognize that they relate to the narcissist in unhealthy ways, allowing the abuse.
So how do you answer the question, “Am I codependent?” You can take this free quiz with instant results to give you a much better idea.
What Exactly do we Mean by Codependent?
According to Merriam Webster, the definition of codependency is a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person manifesting low self-esteem and a strong desire for approval has an unhealthy attachment to another often controlling or manipulative person. Often, a codependent person feels as though they are behaving normally. They desire to be helpful to everyone under every circumstance. And so they will sacrfiice for the good of others, to the detriment of their own health and wellbeing.
When a codependent enters a relationship with a narcissist, they feel a need to be extremely helpful to the narcissist. They continue to be helpful, over time doing everything they can to avoid rocking the boat. Eventually, they practically give up their own independence in order to be everything to the narcissist. Getting themselves back can be a long and difficult road.
What do Codependent Behaviors Look Like?
So, now that we know what codependency is, what are some examples of codependent behavior? Here are some to get you started:
- Someone who is consumed by what others think about them.
- Someone whose behaviors are based on what others think of them and a fear that they will not approve.
- They perceive their worth on what people think of them or how they are judged by others.
- They are compelled more by others needs than their own.
- They fear others will not accept them if they make even a single small mistake or say something wrong.
- They fear someone will see them being less than perfect.
I think you get the idea by now. A person who struggles with codependency is someone who places their whole worth in other’s opinions instead of their true value. The let people’s impressions of them drive their behavior, often to the detriment of their own needs. And they will do anything to prevent causing an upset.
The Codependency Test
Has this happened to you on some level? You can get a good idea after answering these 25 questions. They are easy to answer, don’t overthink them. Just answer yes or no based on your first thought after reading the question. As soon as you finish, you will be able to instantly see the results, no email or action required. But, if you want to share with me after or have questions, feel free to contact me here.
This quiz is not a substitute for a professional diagnosis, but is meant for educational and entertainment purposes only. It can give you a good idea that can help you to help yourself, with counseling, talk therapy, or many other ways to learn to relate to others in more healthy ways.
So with that, let’s begin!
QUIZ START
#1. Do friends and family tell you that you do too much for others?
#2. Do you feel like you should break ties with someone because the pressure they put on you is too much, but then you don’t because you fear the consequences?
#3. Do you feel that your worth depends on how much others value you?
#4. Are you devastated when others express disappointment in you?
#5. Are you consumed with guilt when you don’t perform up to someone else’s expectations?
#6. Do you spend more time on helping others solve your problems while your own problems go unsolved?
#7. Do you take on more work than you can do in a day for the sake of making others’ jobs easier?
#8. Will you do anything just to avoid conflict?
#9. When someone gets angry with you, does it greatly upset you?
#10. Do you lie awake in bed at night, thinking about all the things you think you should have done?
#11. Do you feel like you have to do everything yourself in order for it to get done correctly (or done at all)?
#12. Do you wear yourself thin trying to help others because you don’t want to say no?
#13. Do you do things for others that you really don’t want to because you don’t want them to be disappointed?
#14. When you sit down to rest (or at the end of the day or bedtime), do you feel dread but you don’t know why?
#15. Do you feel like you have no purpose if you aren’t taking care of others?
#16. Do you feel like anything less than perfection is not good enough?
#17. Has anyone close to you ever told you they were concerned that you exhibit codependent behaviors?
#18. Do you feel like if you say no, someone won’t get the help they need and it will be your fault?
#19. Do you take on blame to keep from rocking the boat?
#20. Do you miss work or other important things in order to help others?
#21. Do you feel remorse if things didn’t turn out exactly they way you envisioned?
#22. Do you almost always put others’ needs above your own?
#23. Are you so consumed with other people’s issues to the point that you don’t think about your own issues?
#24. Do you feel like you have to go above and beyond or others will be disappointed?
#25. Do you feel guilty for taking time or resources for yourself?
Results
There seem to be some signs of codependency in your thoughts and behavior. You likely have some questions about where to go from here. Here are a few articles to get you started:
You may also want to talk to some friends who have a good sense about these things or have experienced similar relationships in their past. They can help you find some balance.
You may also want to set up a consultation with Marie by either phone or Zoom call. She can help you gain some clarity as you figure out what is best for you as you move into healing. If you have any questions, contact Marie here.
It may also be a good idea to speak with a counselor who is experienced in difficult relationships.
If you feel unsafe or that you could be in any danger, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Or you can visit online at thehotline.org.
Hi!I am the founder of Navigating Religious Narcissism after being raised under a narcissistic mother and married to a narcissistic man for 31 years.It is my prayer that I can be as valuable on your journey to healing and peace as were so many who crossed my path of healing.
Although things may not be perfect in your relationship, it looks like you don’t have to worry about dealing with a religious or spiritual narcissist!
You may still have some uncertainty or questions. And everyone has things they need to work on.
If you think that things don’t feel right, it’s always a good idea to talk with a safe friend or family member, or even a counselor.
If you have any questions, contact Marie here.
If you would still like a consultation with Marie regarding finding clarity on the issues you are still having difficulty with, click here.
Hi!I am the founder of Navigating Religious Narcissism after being raised under a narcissistic mother and married to a narcissistic man for 31 years.It is my prayer that I can be as valuable on your journey to healing and peace as were so many who crossed my path of healing.
Here are some other quizzes you may be interested in:
Is S/he a Covert Narcissist?
Are You in a Toxic Relationship?
Am I Suffering From Religious Trauma Syndrome?
Are You Trauma Bonded?
Are You Being Spiritually Abused?
Is S/he a Religious Narcissist?
